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: THEE ARCHIIVE

NNNWelcome to Thee Archiives where I discuss relavent

fall 2021

the platform

like Earth, :Thee Archiive has chosen to submit to the changes, and evolve with the seasons.

for this time of the year, we have changed our platform and created a safe place for a multitude of artistic and inventive expressions to be showcased. however, by choosing to offer these many things, we’ve still centered our primary goal around achieving one thing:

Enlightenment.

Welcome, to :Thee Archiive

What is :Thee Archiive ?

i feel like in order for me to really execute this, and truly achieve what destiny i am manifesting for myself, i have to do this the right way. last year :Thee Archiive was birthed from just a conceptual scheme. it was a very powerful epiphany i had gotten, which finally allowed me to propel myself into this particular direction. but like many of the ideas i get, i do much, much thinking, and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. but for some reason, when i look around at my friends, romantic partners and even associate’s, i feel like i am the most who is at risk for plaguing my mind with endless negative outcomes, without even acknowledging the positive possibilities. so especially after finally releasing :Thee Archiive, this chapter in my life was very special and important to me.

there’s this hunch inside of me telling me i wont be able to achieve the many things i seek, until i expose the most rawest, most uncut, and most realest version of myself to the masses- through words. So finally to answer the posed question,

What is :Thee Archiive?

:Thee Archiive is me introducing myself as a writer, artist and person. Its an accumulation of the many slow, steady and soundless processes I allow myself to go through, in order to create. Openly creating isn’t easy for a lot of people. And putting yourself out there and failing ( succeeding, too) can risk much more damage than just a jaded heart, or a bruised ego. Through :Thee Archiive, my mission is to go backwards within my life, and to go inward within myself to answer the questions, seek the experiences, and embody the success I so desperately tell myself that I deserve to have, everyday.

On :TheeArchiive, we will only be getting more real, more open, and more okay with the truth of the matter that, a lot of the fucked up shit we experienced in life will stick with us for more than just a couple of moments. In fact it stays with us for many many years. So if your open, I strongly recommend that you subscribe to join me on this journey of truly understanding the platform, you and I have both been given in this lifetime.

artist, writer and Psychology study.

;Tylar Angel

episode one:

the performer and the observer- which one are you when everyone is watching.

if your performing for the right reasons, it’s glorious. – dion dimucchi

this past weekend was very busy for me. not literally, in the way of many event’s happening but, mentally. obviously. being a college student is nothing like how it is in the movies. sometimes its really fucked up, confusing, annoying and sad. i seethe the people who are actually using this time to have fun, go out and just party. and even though i do aim to experience and enjoy those things at times, that’s not really what I’m using this time and opportunity for. my friend, is a monumental muse in inspiring me as i build the platform.

he, who knows I’m writer (as many people don’t) told me that all writers are pretentious.

pretentious : (/prəˈten(t)SHəs/) : adjective : attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etc., than is actually possessed.

and he was absolutely right. writers are pretentious. and we have to be pretentious because everything that happened in our poetically dramatic universe’s gives us so much room to be inspired in so many ways. art is everything to writers and its truly what inspires us in being able to writer one word, after another. then after another. then another. while walking to class on campus one day I saw a mother and what I assumed to be her youngest daughter, stomping and pouting as they said goodbye to a older girl who just entered lecture hall, probably headed to class also. what was that? why was she so angry and what made her be that way? i think it was passion. the anger of having to leave her older sister alone to study, while her and mom went back home to get ready for primary school for the next day stirred an agitation and a shaking of annoyance within her. i laughed as she rolled her eyes, snatching her mothers hand that she held out to her, signaling that it was time to go.

passion, and anger. this is what we writers value, as we get the opportunity to sit in the passenger seat of this driving vehicle we call life. so yes, experiencing something so uninvolved with yourself and being able to let in move you in a theatrical way, is very pretentious. the only difference with writers is that we actually care to share it, in hopes that it will move someone else. which leads me to the theme of this episode:

performers and observers.

which one are you? and in the midst of doing and being either or, do you know what you are looking for? do you know who you are performing for? why are you performing in the first place? and why do you even care to be so engaged with observing? and in the midst of being the individual who observes, your role is to embody stillness. and in the midst of being the individual who performs, your role is to embody movement. my intention with mentioning these two things is to bring awareness to the fact that, in being and doing both, the entertainer and a watcher, we are all responsible for being artists.

with acknowledging that, more questions arise. what does your art look like and what actually drives you to create it? do you feel like an artists and if so, what traits gave you permission to feel that way. and if not, what keeps you from embodying such characteristic’s. this week I challenge all to be either or. the one who gazes or the who gazes upon. I challenge all to be a creator and do something you maybe never done before. Or better yet, something you haven’t doe in a while. Don’t criminalize yourself for sticking to routine but instead inch out of comfortability bit by bit. You never know, you may find the observer disguising herself as the performer, and the performer disguising himself as the observer.

this small integration may seem almost irrelevant to do, but if you were to ask yourself: Well what can I create this week? – What can I do differently, almost a domino effect of other questions would arise too.

My last question to all is: What is art to you, and what does it look like? Feel like? Sound like? How do you allow yourself to get there, and what does embodying art or observing it do for you? I would really love to know.

the platform

this series introduction.

doing the shit that scares you the most, will reap you the most reward. this is what that looks like for me .

i am realizing that, people with the all too familiar i have it all together and i can do it all by myself persona, are truly delusional. i only have the permission to say this right now because I once was one of those people. what adds more humor to me making such a statement is that a lot of the times, I still find myself being this “type” of person.

we too frequently associate delusion with the icky feelings of repulsion and wrongfulness but, its okay to be delusional sometimes. i tell my friend that, the most delusional people in the world are the happiest, and that’s because they’re living in a universe according to them. in a world that solely revolves around and their needs, their rules, and their morals. the tectonic plates of the planet only start to shift when those same needs aren’t met. when those rules aren’t followed. and when those morals are questioned. and even then, in such a moment of one’s reality being probed and even shattered, there is absolutely room for growth and change. i’m talking about narcissist’s.

a lot of what i’ll be talking about here on the platform, will revolve around real life people and situations, with myself as the culprit. i’m acknowledging that as a writer, my life isn’t really ever mines at all. privacy and secrecy does not exist to me because of my urge to share everything, with everyone- unprovoked. But my need to share all with all, reflects an overcompensation, stemmed from a moment in time when I couldn’t share anything at all. As I mentioned before, in order to execute this properly, a lot of this will consist of me exposing certain parts of myself.

along with my feelings.

my past.

a lot shared has a lot to do with my childhood and that’s because it’s the only point of reference I have. it’s important for me to say, remembering that will be key in keeping up with me through this.

for me, growing up in a black household looked like, truth’s lurking in shadows like terrifying secrets. it sounded like angry skeletons and bones banging from the inside of closet doors, enraged to be let out. it felt like little white lies choking me at the throat, suffocating the air from my lungs as i wished so badly that I didn’t had to lie so much. As I wished so badly that, I didn’t have to hide the truth from the people that cared about me.

The truth.

To me the truth did not exist for a long time, and even though it was the only thing I could value and see within another person, I couldn’t value or see the same thing within myself. Don’t tell people my business and What happens here, stays here. Or else, were my mothers words. Or else what? Was it, or else she wouldn’t love me? Or else she would disown me? Or else she would beat my ass? Or else, child protective services would take my sister and I away from my her? mind you theses were the thoughts of someone no older than ten years old, and during that time, i couldn’t even begin to understand, why I couldn’t share the terrible truths of my childhood with teachers. with family. or with friends.

i turned twenty just one week ago and it seems only now i’m realizing how fucked up i might be. but only now do I get to laugh at that and in moments, be okay with that. its because of my childhood, that when i interact with people of different upbringings, I am able to see how much good, so much bad has given me. and how many lessons pain and loss alone, have taught me. as a psychology student I am learning how important it’ll be to view things and people as objectively s possible, so with this I get the chance to start here.

the platform will be a series of stories that will encapsule a lot about myself, and the goal isn’t to base my identity around my trauma but instead, allow myself to get closer to who I am, and to what true identity means to me. I’m writing this and I’m realizing the people, family and friends I have allowed myself to get close to in these older years will be asking me, why are you doing this? Why are you choosing to talk about this? and even though I intend on answering those questions with nothing but the truth, peoples confusion on my transparency isn’t what is important to me.

People resonating is what’s importants to me. People being inspired to heal and seeking out their own truths, is what’s important to me. People wanting to go backwards and inwards for themselves, their families and their children, is what’s important to me. That’s what’s I’m doing this for.

And anything outside of that, really doesn’t matter to me.